Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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