the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
