Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
