Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
