Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
