I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
