we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
