my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
