Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
