; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
