Got a toothbrush?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
