Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
