She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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