Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
