My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
