I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
