Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
