New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just gargled with NyQuil
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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