my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
