I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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