I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
