On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
