Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
