sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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