i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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