sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this hospital has no fireball
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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