Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're a waste of cheezeits
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
