I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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