Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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