Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I could fuck to npr.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
