why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it glows. i had to have it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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