she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
