He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
