return my video game
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
