take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
