I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
