no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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