Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
