my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
