i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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