I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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