i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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