i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
