All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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