Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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