his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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