I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
