You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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