I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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