Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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