i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
where does the pee come out of this thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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