Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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